Man, Speachless........... Found out today my mom is having some medical problems. I had a feeling she was hiding something. She does that so us kids wont worry. With my shit going on, now her possibly being sick also is just like FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Makes me wonder, why now? I still need you!!!!!!!
Hopefully this is just a small thing, as she says it is, but, still very scary..........
I was thinking today, who would it be in the whole entire world that ide do anything 4. So, I went through the process of elimination, and obviously it came out to be Rainelle. We spent the evening together last night, ate dinner (I fucked up her steak dammit), watched that movie "Uptown Girl's"...Made me cry. Drank rasberry itilian soda's she bought us.........From that stuck up there ass coffee house "portfolio" Otherwise known as "The internet cafe"....But the soda's were good. It is always such a pleasure having her around me. More than a pleasure. Just looking at her gives me a sense of peace, hope,Love,happiness. There is no one in the world that can just be in my presence and make me feel protected and safe than her. I was teling a friend last night that Rai shines, radiates beauty.........Shede do anything for anyone out of love from her heart. I guess this one goes out to you Rai. I'll always be beside you in anyway I can...........LoL, can we get a pig and name it Moo? Heh. Aryan would just love that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, I go now.
Ya Ya........... Angelina Jolie look's fucking hot all high! Play's the part well in "Gia". Hmmmmmmmmmm, decided to update now I dont have anything to say. Bought a new stereo, a Ani de franco cd..........recomended by one Miss Rainelle. I realized Friday how much alcohol played such a big part in my life before. I had my first craving friday since I quit. I did not like it. That would be the end of me! I'm over it but it was a weird feeling.
if this entry does not show up, I give up!
I knew it! My Dr. said I can not drive!!!!!!!!!!! What the fuck am I supposed to do? Too weak to walk or stand for any length of time, But, I would be putting other's and myself at risk. So, I must obey his opinion. Man, I never thought this would happen. I'm going to see him this week (my dr.) he want's to see me. Other physical things are going on that he needs to see.
Rai, it's your car, I just need to pay the rest of it off.
Tell me, WHY DID I RUIN MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????
I AM NOT READY TO FUCKING GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's all I have to say!
Well, finally I've decided to update while I have the strength too. I'm finally back at home. My mom and sister and friends are taking care of me. (And Aryan). Just got her back today. The mean kitty kitty!! Nah, she isnt mean, just hates other cat's, not human's. Well, it's been hell since I've been gone. In and out of hospital,s. The thing's that I went thru. But, thank God I havent had to go back in since about 4 weeks now. (Which is the longest I've stayed well since this all started). But I've learned something that is a total blessing to me. I have found out who my true friends are and what they will do for you, etc when a tragedy happens. People have come back into my life that I havent seen in years, never realizing that I meant so much too them. And my sister. She actually quit school to take me in and live with her to take care of me. She did everything for me and still is. Coming overe most everyday. Cooking, cleaning etc. I couldnt ask for more. I do feel very selfish for what I did to myself. I just DID NOT take it serious until (that night). Meaning the night I finally colapsed and ended up in the hospital. Comatose etc. Detail's arent pretty so I wont go into that part. But, just to say, dont take life for granted. Cuz you never know. Life is beautiful at times and it's totally fucked up too. Anyways', just thought ide release that.